So I haven’t seen the new Batman movie. No one has! Christopher Nolan won’t even show his Mum. She asked to see The Dark Knight one week before the release date so Nolan Inceptioned her and planted the idea that SHE SHOULD SHUT UP AND BUY A TICKET LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE!

So, like Mamma Nolan, I won’t be able to see The Dark Knight Rises until the day it comes out, I may however see it the minute it comes out at a special midnight screening provided I win a fan-boy poster competition run by Dendy Cinemas. The top eight fan-made posters get exhibited for two weeks at the new Newtown Dendy Cinema and I get a prize-pack of Batman stuff and two tickets to see all three movies in the picture theatre (Picture theatre? Who am I, my Dad?) with The Dark Knight Rises playing at 12:01 AM.

As I don’t know much about the new movie I can only imagine that the villain, Bane, is a giant paratrooper with a snorkel who was brought to America in chains from his native Africa and forced to perform in off-off-Broadway shows until he escapes and tries to eat all of the native bats in Gotham… That’s how Mamma Nolan explained it to me anyway.

Here is my submission: SPOILER ALERT – I won!